…and kevin1gamer is all of you. kevin1gamer lives inside all of us, crying out at random times when we all want a wee bit of attention from our friends or family. And with this being the festive time of year where you are relentless in your desire to one-up your fellow family members in terms of gift quality, it is the little kevin1gamer inside of you that fuels that need.

So I say embrace the kevin1gamer. Love the kevin1gamer, allow the kevin1gamer inside each of you to grow so that one day you too can spam message boards with links to Engadget.

kevin1gamer (seen here, pretty in banned pink) was expelled from my Aliens forum for the following list of offences:

1) He’s an idiot.
2) Attempted to cheat on the referral contest by having his “brother” sign up (even though the contest rules said, same IP sign ups don’t count).
3) Spammed his referral link on other sites in contravention of the rules.
4) Requested a CD key for a game, which naturally was purchased legitimately.
5) Posted an advertisement for his site in the off topic area.
6) Signed up twice following the ban and, inexplicably, added his original account as the referrer…. (1) (2)

It got me thinking, ‘this guy really is a true Forum Tard. He must be featured.’ Little did I know, that was just the start.

Following on from the attempted additional registrations came the emails:

I love how Hotmail knew he was junk, it’s a good job he doesn’t have a built in spam prevention measure; he’d probably self destruct. The emails were duly ignored so next followed……

“YOU WILL BE UNFAVOURED OF THE GODS!”

“Why not just leave me alone anyway? That would be easier on us all.”

At this point I’m kinda thinking, ‘This guy must be on drugs. He must be so high right now.’ I’ve stopped short of blocking him on Facebook because it’s just too funny, but I’m thinking that if I can guarantee he’ll find some way or other to contact me every day it might be worth the block. It could become like some awesome game. Where each day kevin1gamer thinks of another intriguing way to contact me and I try to defeat his attempts. It could be an epic battle of wills, it could form a couple of chapters in my book. Forget Axis & Allies. This conflict has all the hallmarks of a classic. We have the hard-done-by, down on his luck, mentally-challenged hero in kevin1gamer, and we have the devious megalomanic narsa- narcis- narsic- narcissitic (?close enough?) bad guy in yours truly. This could be epic win.

“I’ll contact you every day until you die.” Okay, you’re not a fucking wierdo, are you?

Baring in mind we have this epic struggle about to begin, I thought that I’d start with that most moronic of oxymorons, military intelligence a.k.a. “Google it”. My findings were unexpected and gave me all the justification for the actions taken:

Yep. Google suggested when I searched ‘kevin1gamer’ that I might like to search instead for kevin1gamer banned (12,500 results) or kevin1gamer spam (3,500 results). I didn’t bother searching for either… There was no need. Not when I have this feeling of complete exoneration.

kevin1gamer, you’re a Forum Tard, and we salute you!