Forumtards Forums or Forums for Tards?

I’m hoping to have the Forumtards forums ready for launch by the end of the week, in time for the weekend. It’s mostly there. Just a few little things to take care of before we can go live such as:

It’s based on bbpress, so expect something really basic.

I’ve eaten all the jelly beans, now I’m going to bed.

What would you call the Forumtards Forums? (serious question)

Spellingtard

In my line of work there is little which amuses more than the failed Spellingtard. Especially if the Spellingtard in question is one of our obnoxious US cousins:

“YOU DON’T SPELL AX WITH AN ‘E’! THAT’S PRE- Preepr- prepostroose.”

So when the “error” is:

a) Correct in the only version of English that matters
b) Accompanied by a glaring error of one’s own
c) Posted by an American
d) Already a subject less than ten threads from the top of the forum it is posted in

It makes me do a little sex-wee. This was too much of an opportunity to miss:

Click me to read the full thread

Delicious, isn’t it? It’s like people who are bad at fighting starting fights, or fat people challenging Olympians to a race, or France starting a war (sorry), or German comedians, or… the stereotypes are endless.

Don’t start a Spelling Bee if you’re too stupid to spell your own words right. This could only have been better in one other way:

Facebook stalking forumtard

This…. is disturbing.
Through the simple banishment of a forumtard I got myself a Facebook stalker.

kevin1gamer (seen here, pretty in banned pink) was expelled from my Aliens forum for the following list of offences:

1) He’s an idiot.
2) Attempted to cheat on the referral contest by having his “brother” sign up (even though the contest rules said, same IP sign ups don’t count).
3) Spammed his referral link on other sites in contravention of the rules.
4) Requested a CD key for a game, which naturally was purchased legitimately.
5) Posted an advertisement for his site in the off topic area.
6) Signed up twice following the ban and, inexplicably, added his original account as the referrer…. (1) (2)

It got me thinking, ‘this guy really is a true Forum Tard. He must be featured.’ Little did I know, that was just the start.

Following on from the attempted additional registrations came the emails:

I love how Hotmail knew he was junk, it’s a good job he doesn’t have a built in spam prevention measure; he’d probably self destruct. The emails were duly ignored so next followed……

“YOU WILL BE UNFAVOURED OF THE GODS!”

“Why not just leave me alone anyway? That would be easier on us all.”

At this point I’m kinda thinking, ‘This guy must be on drugs. He must be so high right now.’ I’ve stopped short of blocking him on Facebook because it’s just too funny, but I’m thinking that if I can guarantee he’ll find some way or other to contact me every day it might be worth the block. It could become like some awesome game. Where each day kevin1gamer thinks of another intriguing way to contact me and I try to defeat his attempts. It could be an epic battle of wills, it could form a couple of chapters in my book. Forget Axis & Allies. This conflict has all the hallmarks of a classic. We have the hard-done-by, down on his luck, mentally-challenged hero in kevin1gamer, and we have the devious megalomanic narsa- narcis- narsic- narcissitic (?close enough?) bad guy in yours truly. This could be epic win.

“I’ll contact you every day until you die.” Okay, you’re not a fucking wierdo, are you?

Baring in mind we have this epic struggle about to begin, I thought that I’d start with that most moronic of oxymorons, military intelligence a.k.a. “Google it”. My findings were unexpected and gave me all the justification for the actions taken:

Yep. Google suggested when I searched ‘kevin1gamer’ that I might like to search instead for kevin1gamer banned (12,500 results) or kevin1gamer spam (3,500 results). I didn’t bother searching for either… There was no need. Not when I have this feeling of complete exoneration.

kevin1gamer, you’re a Forum Tard, and we salute you!

I want an iPad because it’s cool goddammit!

It’s the latest must-have from Apple, and it has ‘tards across the planet nerdgasming over it’s smooth lines and general lack of worth. “I want one but I don’t know why.” puts it firmly in the camp of the iPod Touch, the iPhone and world peace. iPad sucks. /end.

Source: general-forums.com

You want HOW many?!

It’s a staple of any forum, but music forums in particular tend to attract the kind of user who is so swept up with their delusions of grandeur that their grip on reality starts to fade.

Our threadstarter here is firmly entrenched in that camp, as he decides to ask the members of this forum where he can find somewhere he can buy thirty thousand blank CD-Rs for his garage band’s album. The result was a thread that is still a running joke some six years later.