Not just a Sniper, but an Elite Sniper and a King to boot! EliteSniperKING is the coolest of the cool. Here on, of all things, a gaming forum, he waxes lyrical about how to get a 10 girlfriend. At first I wasn’t sure if he meant how to get ten girlfriends, but upon a further read he means a 10 out of 10 girlfriend. That one-of-a-kind perfect-in-every-way 100% the best of the best of the best girlfriend.

Well guys, it appears such a woman exists, and EliteSniperKING will show you how to get one too!

Point one, be a convicted felon. Be Gangsta! Because women (perfect 10 women) only go for convicted criminals. Get out there, buy a gun, rob a store and bag yourself a hottie. It’s the new mantra for 2010.

How to be cool according to EliteSniperKING:
1.) Get in shape. Round is a shape.
2.) blow your nose. Girls hate snot.
3.) Get some new clothes. Because what you’re wearing now (even though I can’t see you) is so last season.
4.) Get a low post count. 6000 won’t impress, 443 will. See guys, size isn’t every thing after all.
5.) Learn to talk to real people. Get off your xbox 360, stop playing every IW game, stop performing sex acts in aeroplanes on videogames (on Veteran difficulty no less), and get off forums.

11.) Call yourself EliteSniperKING.

Thank you, EliteSniperKING, for that lesson in cool. I shall now aspire to be more like you.

Badass EliteSniperKING wants his money back, part one.
Badass EliteSniperKING wants his money back, part two.
Badass EliteSniperKING wants his money back, part three and how to get a 10 girlfriend.

Source: infinityward.com/forum

Question: How old do you think EliteSniperKING is?

Sometimes wars are not fought with bombs and guns, but with guitars and amps and coffee mugs. Here our hero tells a tale of how he heroically vanquished his foe with a Van Halen squeal then “divebombed and found myself on the 20th fret on the b string, doing the fastest vibaro I’ve ever heard.”

Maybe it’s just me, but an E powerchord sounds sexy as fuck.